"No Mama! Don't go!" - A Somewhat Introduction

To date, I have two children - a son (3 years old) and a daughter (19 months old). I will not refer to them as DS and DD. I will refer to them differently depending on my mood and the day, but it should be clear to which I'm referring. I hope. ;)

So, I have two children. When my son was 2 and my daughter 10 months old, I made the choice to re-enter the workforce. The reason is thus - while I'm fully cut-out to be a parent, I am not cut-out to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I tried it for two years. It didn't work for me. It takes a special woman to be a SAHM. I applaud those of you that do it and do it happily.

Having been out of the workforce for more than two years made it difficult to find employment in the area in which I live. I ended up taking a job at a bank as a teller. A job I hadn't ever done before but had always been interested in trying. At first, it was fantastic. I revelled in getting up five-days-a-week, showering, getting ready for the day, having breakfast, my husband and I feeding our children and getting them ready for the day, and me dropping them off at daycare and heading off to my 7.5 hour long "break" (a.k.a "me-time"). However, soon into it, I realized that being a bank teller was not for this woman. I am not a fan of working in customer service, and bank tellers are just another kind of customer service agent. Again, I applaud those that are bank tellers and love it. But it's not for me.

I managed to get a very good job but now have to commute from Camrose to Edmonton - an hour and ten minutes one-way on a good day commute. I don't mind the commute, but it certainly changed things in my household. My husband now does ALL of the feeding, getting ready and dropping off at daycare for the kids - both drop-off and pick-up. It's a rare day that I, too, get to join him. It's only very recently that some of the caregivers at our daycare learned that my son and daughter also have a mother. Awesome.

Very recently, my sweet little girl has been experiencing some serious separation anxiety between her and I. Now, instead of a cute little kiss and "Bye! Bye!" at the door as I leave for work in the morning, she cries and clings to my leg saying "No! No!" It's heartbreaking and, frankly, turns my stomach into knots. Sure the constant heartburn and indigestion I experience could be due to the fact that I'm also 26 weeks pregnant with our third child, but I'm inclined to believe it has everything to do with my baby girl's reaction to my going to work for the day.

Of course, shortly after I leave she's fine, happily engages in her morning routine and trots into daycare like she owns the place. But, I don't see the evidence of that until the end of the day when she happily greets me upon my return home.

While working out of the home as a mother certainly has its challenges, those challenges are wholly different than the challenge of staying home with your children. Traditionally, women have been the major caregiver to their children, it's often expected of mothers. Many women look at me with wide, judging eyes when I explain that I choose to work outside of the home. That I don't want to be home with my children all day. Of course, no one looks oddly at the father for wanting the same thing - instead, men are looked at oddly if they're the stay-at-home parent. You'll find out pretty quickly that I am in no way a traditionalist and don't buy into traditional gender roles.

That said, I really wish my little girl would go back to happily sending me off in the morning....sigh...